I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Randomize
