I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
