do herpes really smell.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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