I heard we made out
Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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