I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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