And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
