I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
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