I wish I could teleport
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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