She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
