I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
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