So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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