they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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