Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
