this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Randomize
