who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
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