He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Randomize
