so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Randomize
