I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
