John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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