I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
i just made my gag reflex go away.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
This is the high leading the old right now
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
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