i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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