hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
