Please, let me fuck your mom
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
