she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
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