Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Randomize
