i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
