What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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