So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Randomize
