3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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