I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
