I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
