whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
I currently don't understand fingers.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
