Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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