Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
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