he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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