Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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