i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Randomize
