you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
