I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
