Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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