She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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