I cockslap morals
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Randomize
