So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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