If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Randomize
