i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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