No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
this beer tastes like vomit already
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
