Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
