I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
