i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
