I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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