almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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