shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Randomize
