I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Randomize
