your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
