I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
