Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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