I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Who died my cat blue again?
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