Need sex. Gaining weight.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
