Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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