for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Randomize
