This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
