So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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