Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Randomize
