1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
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