shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
I think i peed on brittanys purse
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
