I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
