we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
