Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
