I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
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