I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Randomize
